Will never Exist
by monkey87
Summary: Hermione is feeling pain she never knew she could feel. She hates this posessive darkness. And it's all over a boy. A boy she knows will never feel what she feels. And she knows what she is asking for, will never exist. One-shot and first HP fic!


**Hey guys! I know I should be updating 'The Band', but I'm feeling sad again and I needed this. This will be my third one-shot and my first Harry Potter story. So I hope you guys like it! Also, it's all in Hermione's point of view, and it's the 5th year at Hogwarts. **

**Discliamer: I own nothing**

I sit here everyday, for the past five years, and I hear nothing, even though the hall is full. I zoned out, no ones' talking to me anyway. But as I look to the other side of the room, I see the only person I want to talk to. But he will never notice me, after all I am a mud-blood. All I ever get are evil glances, and harsh words thrown at my face. It's not fair.

I look around my table, and I see Harry sitting next to Ginny infront of me, holding hands and staring at eachother while talking. I see Ron whispereing into Lavender's ear, making me want to throw up everything I have eaten in the past week. I look a few seats down, and I see Dean and Seamas talking to each other, and glancing at the two girls in front of them who were giggling like clowns when they noticed.

He never looked at me that way. He never will.

No one looks at me that way. If I'm lucky, I'll get a few looks - but not in the way my friends are looking at their partners. Sometimes I feel like I don't even belong here. And the snake on the other side of the room sure as hell don't make me feel better. Him and his gang of stuck up Slytherins. But at least they all stick togeather. Harry and Ron don't talk to me that much any more since they got thier girlfriends.

"...right Hermione?" I heard Harry ask far away. But I felt like a knife was slowly puncturing my heart. He was looking at a girl that had just walked into the great hall.

She was very pretty...Prettier then me.

"Hermione?"

She went and sat right next to him giving a smile. And what really hurt the most...

He smiled back and took her hand.

I have seen this before, they would play around on thier free time. Acting like best friends when I knew they really liked each other. The way he looked around her, the way he acted...He was happy.

I wish he could act that way around me...I wish he would look at me! Not as some muggle-born, but as a true person.

"Hermione, are you okay?"

I wish he could hold my hand, and be my friend. I wish I could comfert him like _**she**_ does. Stroke his hair like she does...

"Maybe we should take her to Madam Pomfrey?"

I wish I could hug him like she does...Stay with him like she does.

"HERMIONE!" a loud chorus broke my thoughts.

"What?" I asked, feeling slightly over whelmed.

"Your crying" Ginny pointed out. I felt my cheeks, and sure enough, they were wet with tears and warm. I looked up to see Draco and the beautiful girl gone.

"What's wrong?" Harry asked. I looked at all my friends, and knew they could never, ever- No. They wouldn't understand. They would think I've lost it, or that I prefer his company to there's. Not like I get his anyway.

"Uh, nothing. I just need some air I guess. I'll see you guys later." I said, standing up to leave.

"Wait!" I heard Ginny call, but I didn't bother. I just kept on walking down the halls, past the Charms classroom, and towards the doors that led outside.

I went through the wide doors into the very wet spring afternoon. It was sunny, yet raining. Like the weather was mocking me. I walked acros the courtyard, and onto the bridge leading to Hagrid's, and out of the rain. I stood there watching the rain fall down in rythem of my tears.

More then anything, I just wish to be held by him when I feel like this. But I won't.

In the distance, I heard giggling, and as I looked, I saw Draco and the pretty girl running around in the rain.

I looked at his hair that was plastered to his face, and watched as he shook the rain from his hair. It was beautiful.

Not being able to watch anymore, I slowly made my way down the bridge towards the exit, still not wanting to go back to the castle. Despite the rain, it was warm. I took my robes off, now standing in my school uniform. My skirt, long grey sweater with my house tie, and black flats.

I walked to the stones that over looked Hagrids hut. I remember being here two years previously, standing with Harry and Ron - watching the execution of Buckbeak.

I sat down on the wet grass, not careing that I would get my skirts wet. I'm already soaked to the bone. I stared out across the hills, and into the sky. I closed my eyes as I felt the gentle drops fall onto my face, and wondered what it would be like to be kissed in the ran by him. It would probably feel -

" Hey mud-blood. What are you doing out here? No one wants to play? Well I can imagine why. You and that filthy blood of yours." I ignored any comments he said from then on. Occasionaly hearing giggles from the pretty- yet- ugly- on- the- inside- girl.

I never really listened to him. I was just savouring the moment that he was achknoledging me. Talking to me. Watching me. I just sat there, staring at the shiny hills, leaning against the rocks. No hearing a single word he was saying.

"I don't even know why they let filth like you into this school." I heard him say finally.

"Sorry, what did you say? I wasn't listening." I said without emotion, still not looking at him. But I was telling the truth. I never heard a word he said while he was talking to me.

"You know very well what I said, Granger." He said smirking in my direction, making the girl laugh.

I finally looked at the two, who were dripping wet just like me.

"Seriously, Malfoy. I have no clue what you said. When you talk to me, I tune you out without relizing I'm even doing it. But I do think I need some ear plugs for that girls horrid laughter." I said, striking back without as much fire as I usually do.

"You know it's not polight to speak to superiors in such manner." She said. Her voice sounding like a Malibu Barbie doll chewing pink bubble gum. Sickening.

" Whatever. You want this spot? I'm going anyway." I said, standing up, and letting my hair out of the braid it was in. My hair fell gracefully down my back. The bush no longer there. Thank -god!

" No one will ever want you Granger! You'll always be alone!" I heard the girl shout. But what made my chest hurt, what made it ache: Was that he laughed. A true, un-forced laugh. I didn't run though. I wouldn't let them be satisfied knowing they got to me. As soon as I got up to the bridge, I allowed myself one glance back, and saw the two kissing. But not just a 'Imma hook up with you just for fun' type of look. But a 'I'm compleatly in love with you, and nothing will change that. I'm yours forever' kind of look.

The entire time I was walking back to the castle, I cried. I sobbed, and I shaked. But not from the weather or dampness. From the hurt. I allowed my-self to fall in love with something I couldn't have. Something that is un-touchable. Something that someone else already owns. And I hate myself for making that mistake.

At least I have learned, that love dosn't just come free. You have to pay a price. And it depends on how much you want it. If you want it, you'll do anything. Even if it meant your life. And that is exactly how I feel. But I won't do that anymore. I will move on, and love someone else. I'm giving up on this love...Because I know that it can't and will never, ever exist.

**Hey guys! Well what did you think? I feel it was kinda depressing, but it's how I felt. I know its kinda like my story I can love you better then that, but this one I find is better. But I like this one more. Anyway, hope you guys liked it! PLease review!**

**~monkey87~**


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